Wishes

I've been having a rough week. Why:

Statistics on our first 2 years married.
11 of 24 months have been spent apart.
7 of the 11 have been in the first 10 months of this year.


Now I know I have become a strong person, but even a strong person breaks down and hits a wall now and again. This is my day. I left Greg this morning and drove the 8 hours back home, and have been crying off and on since. Its not easy, its never easy. I know I posted those statistics, but at the same time that doesn't meant that I feel like unless you can beat that you have no reason to complain or to cry. Unless you aren't a military spouse, then I kinda judge you if you whine to me about being apart for a weekend. So anyways, saying goodbye sucks. Saying goodbye half awake really sucks.

Oh yes I was talking about being a strong person. I can handle just about anything. That isnt to say that we dont ever have any problems. We do. We're less public about them than most. There are few people anymore who I will honestly talk about my problems with, because I've seen enough wives/girlfriends/fiances throw big fights in public and it makes everyone around you miserable. You can fight, just dont tell everyone about every fight all the time. Heres my next piece of advice, talk to each other. You will not fix anything if you only talk to other people and not your spouse/boyfriend/fiance. The reason me and Greg work is because we talk to each other about all our issues. We talk it out, we figure out a solution, it doesnt always fix things the first time but by talking you have an active process on whats going on.

I've had boyfriends/husbands/fiances tell me that they're girls look up to me. They look at me and think that they can do it too. This gives me mixed feelings. I'm not being conceited when I say this but not everyone is me. I am ok with moving across the country, moving around, not always being able to go home. I miss home, but I dont miss it so much that I cant stand being anywhere else. SO basically I'm saying not everyone is me. So dont think just because I'm still here after 2 years and we're going strong (with minor mishaps) that you can do it. Because as statistics of military marriages show, chances are you cant. Be honest with yourself. It is not an easy life. I'm glad people look up to me and use me as an example, but seriously, not everyone is cut out for this, and even I have bad days.

I wish I could change things. I wish there was a way to make it so those statistics weren't so bad. Our "honeymoon phase" we've never had one. It keeps getting interrupted. This tempo will kill me. Its not all deployments either. I just wish there was a way to start something that would go up the chain and make people think. A way to get them to keep track of who they're sending where and when and take families into account. Its horrible because if I was pregnant, they would do all they could to keep Greg home more from everything, but because we're just married and not "newlyweds" anymore, it feels like no one cares. I have news for you, we will always be newlyweds if this tempo stays the way it is. So dear military, Please give me my husband for awhile.

<3 Gwen

School and Other Things

So I'm very bad at this whole blogging thing. So, two weeks ago I went and saw Greg in Little Rock. These are the things we did:

This is me at the top of Pinnacle Mountain. Took over an hour to climb up (with some breaks for mental stability.) Its 1115 ft. high and it was a ton of fun and super terrifying!

Heres Greg at the top!

The view :-D

This is the Old Mill, it was featured in Gone with the wind and it was an awesome park!! Great place for wedding or engagement photos for sure!

The only pic we took of us the whole weekend. Oops :)

Gregs a master photographer :)

Missing everyone back home!

I stink at this

So I'm no good at writing in this thing regularly, but since I'm sitting at school with 40 minutes until my first class starts I figure what the heck right?

We've been busy. Going home, getting ready for school for both of us, mentally preparing to be apart for 2-3 months again, getting Maddi fixed on Thursday, and trying to somehow find time in there to spend by ourselves, and keep up with friends, I'm frazzled. I'm exhausted, Gregs exhausted and we may or may not be getting sick with whatever horrible thing my mom has. We both have what now seem like colds that I'm really hoping dont get worse, but if I keep up with not sleeping ever I'm sure it will get worse.

I have everything written down, planner filled out and pretests already taken for my online classes. Greg had things to do today and couldn't give me a ride to school so I snagged a ride with a buddy but she had to be here 2 hours earlier than me so this is me getting crap done and trying not to fall asleep and miss my first class completely. Its very awkward here. All the preppy little girls dressed up and make uped talking about all the people they see here from high school. I feel to old to be here. I'm hoping they wont be in any of my classes. I dont think I could stand listening to them talk anymore. Oh well at least I know I have one buddy here, even if we wont be in any of the same classes.

Oh and I forgot my phone today so I cant even text my hubby to keep myself occupied. Which was good until I ran out of work to do because I didn't bring any textbooks with me. Poo. I could've really finished all week 1 assignments by now. Oh well. I just saw a girl with pink hair.

Aside from school there really isn't much going on in our lives. I mean the last few days have felt hectic but its been mostly cramming in buddy time with getting everything ready for Greg to leave, but hey, you need friends. And you definitely always need an hour of sunlight and pool time to keep happy. So kudos to me, on taking yesterday to relax. But I seriously cant wait to go home and nap. :-D

Because I'm a Rockstar After 10pm

The past two nights I've done this. First Sunday night I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. Eventually I will be a Radiology Technician. First I need to take some classes, so I figure I might as well get a degree with that since the advisor for the Rad Tech program said having an associates really gives you a leg up. So I applied to Cisco to be a Medical Assistant. I'll get all the classes I need and a Degree. Classes start Aug 26th? Super excited just gotta figure out everything that needs to get done between now and then. Financial Aid, Placement Tests, Student Loans, and how to get into that program. Super duper excited.

Monday night. I switched our car insurance to USAA. Progressive should be lowering my amount for staying with them for 2 years, and instead it went up $15. I know its just $15, but money is tight sometimes. So I quoted USAA. $20 cheaper. Nice. So I filled out the necessary stuff and sent in our current insurance card and it will start Aug 7th. While I was on their website I noticed a little refinance your auto loan as low as 3.24%! Well being a couple who pays 16% interest on a car loan, I was like, hey it cant hurt to see what it would be. Well it lowered our percent from 16, down to 4.99. Our monthly payment from $450, to $300. So Greg woke up this morning to find out all I had done while he slept peacefully during the night and he was super happy. I am the best wifey ever. (Well I'd be the best ever if I had managed to make him lunch too. hahah) Happy days when saving money!

Down and Out

So I've been feeling sorry for myself lately. I dont know why. I mean I suppose I do. Its a mixture of having no job, no degree, not going to school, and feeling like I want to start a family but we're just not ready for it yet. I've been feeling really down for a couple weeks now and I've been trying to figure out a way to stop eating bag after bag of cheetos, wanting to vomit, and then feeling worse. Yesterday I decided me n Greg were really going to hit the gym. If I could do the werewolf workout for a month, and not see any results, then I would consider taking out the implant (birth control) as the problem. I will not blame it for my depression, or my lack of motivation. I'm not looking for a scape goat. Just understanding.

Yesterday we hit the gym for the first time in weeks. It was a rough workout but it felt amazing. Now today he has a night flight, which always makes working out hard because we either have to go before his flight which makes him exhausted the rest of the day, or wait until 3am to go. Well i'm determined to go tonight. Even just for a half hour. Just to prove we aren't giving up.

Back to my funk. I need to snap out of it. While i was home I watched Eat, Pray, Love one night while i was feeling sorry for myself for missing my husband. A great movie to watch if you're depressed. Because its not a love story, I mean it is, but thats not all it is. So today I decided I'd finally read the book. Its been sitting on my nook for months and I need something uplifting. Even just the first 100 pages (theres about 600 on the nook) were so helpful. I put on some soothing music, and did yoga for a half hour. I cant tell you the last time I did yoga like that. No book, no movie, just doing the moves i remembered as being the most stress relieving. Its such a mood lifter. I feel so great after actually doing something other than sitting around all night watching tv and eating. I've read, I've cleaned, even did the laundry, AND i did yoga. Ten points on my self esteem roster. :)

So if you're looking for a good book to read, Eat Pray Love. If you want to feel better about yourself, do yoga (and avoid mc donalds for a week, I promise it helps) Love to all who support me. <3

Another Day Another Dollar

Greg is on another trip. It was hard saying goodbye again so soon, even if its only for a few days. Life will never be easy, but I am starting to enjoy my time alone. I can lay on the couch all day if I want to, or I can actually be productive and get things done without feeling like I have to keep someone else company. Dont get me wrong, it still sucks being alone, but I'm working on making the best of it instead of just moping around the whole time. I do have to say, he left Friday morning and its taking me until now to actually get things done. I managed to do Yoga today, research hotels for our California trip next year, I planted my herb garden (hopefully they actually grow true leaves now instead of just the sprouts that I have now) and I cleaned up the mess I've made around the house. I also defrosted the fridge, its working again (yay me). Though in my downtime I caught up on all my shows.. oo I also looked into careers. I've taken so many classes and I still dont feel like I've found anything that fits. I want a job thats mentally intriguing. I want to solve problems, or puzzles. Maybe accounting is right for me, I took a couple career tests today and they all tell me business is where I'm meant to be. Analyst, administrator, accounting are all my top jobs. So my goal is to actually call the admissions councelor for Ashford University and see what I can do and what I need and how soon I can actually graduate. Not that I really care about having a good job or anything, it'd just be nice to feel like I'm contributing to this partnership instead of living off my hubby's money. We're doing fine, but we could be doing great if I got my act in gear. Anyways, off to find some ice cream! Love to all!

New Friends Exciting Times

Since Greg got back from his deployment we've been hanging out with a new crowd. Its exciting, relieving, and they are just so much fun. Its a lot of couples, a few years older than us, but we're all on the same wavelength. There isn't as much childish drama, its just a bunch of people getting together and having a good time! We took our first camping trip in Texas with these guys. One of the best weekends of my life. We went up to Possum Kingdom, its about a 2 hour drive. We were doing some recon for the 4th of July when we head up there for 5 days. The park is great, the water is great, Hells Gate is awesome. Its this cove on the lake, and when you pull in there are 2 huge cliffs on each side that make "the gate" and you drive through in the boat, and everyone ties their boats together and you hang out and swim for the afternoon and make new friends. It was awesome. I had so much fun. To tell you a little more about how that Saturday went..we were all sitting at Hells Gate. Talking to the boats next to us as these clouds start rolling in. Soon it was raining. No big deal, it was 106 and the rain felt great..but then it started hailing, as we all dive and hide under the little sun top random hail hitting you, we start wondering about our campsite.. Well we finally went back just a little before dark, to find the whole campground (which was full previously) empty and trashed. All of our tents (with the exception of Bill who had a little one man tent) were knocked over and/or broken. Our tent was mostly ok, one of the loops for the stake ripped off but we'll get it sewed back on and it will be fine again. It was good times, things to laugh over. Trunks were knocked over and filled with water, but we had food, and the night was gorgeous and we all laughed about it and continued to have a good time. I'm so glad we went. Even though we're completely broke until payday now, its nice spending our money on actually doing things instead of unnecessary things.

We got our cordaroy! Its huge but its awesome! It definitely makes for more snuggling time :) We curl up on it and play video games, the cats love their new nap spot, and it significantly shrunk the sive of our livingroom but soo worth it! We're looking forward to the future and all the good times to be had! Loving life in Texas! :)