I used to think that deployments were all about misery, and just learning to "deal". I've been reading this book lately called Confessions of a Military Wife by Mollie Gross. I suggest anyone and everyone to read it. (Thanks so much Kelly). Its about becoming an "independant" and all the things you can do and should do during a deployment. The more I read, the more I realize how much I have figured out on my own in the past 2 deployments. Sure they weren't 7 months, or a year, they were 2 months and this one will be around 3. But You can learn a lot in 5 months of separation, especially in the first 2 years of your marriage. You learn to try not to be selfish. You will fight over money. You will fight about not hearing from them, but its ok. Because at one point or another, we all pick fights. My mom would say "Gwen just stop fighting" I love my mother, but she doesn't quite understand. She can sit here day after day and see my ups and my downs, but she cannot tell me what I'm feeling. And no one can. Other wives or girlfriends or fiances can relate. But only you know what you are feeling.
I feel happy, sad, frustrated, angry, exhausted, awake, usually all in the span of 5 minutes. I feel motivated, and depressed, and then like I have no energy left for anything but mindless facebook games. Today I was tired, angry, worn out, my back and shoulders hurt, but at the same time I was laughing, and a few minutes later would just want to collapse. I worked through my furstration just trying to hang on until the moment Greg would call. And you know what: I lived. We all do. We work through masses of emotions everyday. Theres always the nagging feeling in the back of your mind, what if? But you cant let it rule you or even admit to its existance.
Anyway my point was, this book helped me realize that I am ok. I have hobbies, I have friends. I regret not making more friends with more people's wives, but the truth is, I just dont see many wives my age running around at squadron functions. If I did I feel like things would be different. I've started excercising again, and getting your blood pumping is a definite must. Anyways. I just wanted to say, I'm good. I enjoy painting, taking the parents dog for a walk, snuggling with my kitties, watching copious amounts of tv, reading, and scrapbooking. I have hobbies, friends, and a great family, and wonderful inlaws. I'll be just fine.
Love to all!
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