Anxiety

I am getting so anxious to get back to Texas. Its sooo hard being patient. I just keep thinking about what needs to be done, even though its really nothing until I actually get back to the state. Then I need to get our stuff out of Alli's, get the storage unit cleaned out, unpack, and spend lots of time by the pool :).


I miss Greggles and I cant wait for him to be hooommmmeeee. Thats pretty much all I think about :D

Quel Jour!

Its April 19th. In Texas its 90 degrees with a chance of wildfires. Here its 28 and winter weather advisory. So you can imagine, when laying in bed and feeling really really cold air, my thoughts were as follows:

1. Did the cats turn off the furnace again?
2. Why do I hear birds..
3. Wait that was Leo chirping and that means a door is open.
4. Oh no how long? Will Abbers ever come back?

I found Abbi playing in the stones by the playground we have. I think she thought it was a giant litterbox. Maddi was hiding behind the hottub, and Leo had decided he was just fine laying on my bed. Disaster #1 taken care of. I walk upstairs, only to find Alli got diarrhea all over the kitchen. So as I'm trying to hold down puking while cleaning that up.. I start to think its not gonna be a fun day.

I wiped up the mess, swept the floor, then mopped the floor. Sometime in there Alli puked by the kitchen table. I found this out later by stepping in it. More mopping. Then I decided heck with it, and cleaned the whole upstairs. I lost motivation before I hit the dishes though. The kids can do those. Im pooped.

So now Im ready for the snow. What a day it has already been and its only 2!

Yesterday was me n Gregs 2 year anniversary. So naturally Im a bit bummed and I miss him lots. I wish he was home so we could have celebrated. <3

War Does Not Define Character- It Reveals It

I used to think that deployments were all about misery, and just learning to "deal". I've been reading this book lately called Confessions of a Military Wife by Mollie Gross. I suggest anyone and everyone to read it. (Thanks so much Kelly). Its about becoming an "independant" and all the things you can do and should do during a deployment. The more I read, the more I realize how much I have figured out on my own in the past 2 deployments. Sure they weren't 7 months, or a year, they were 2 months and this one will be around 3. But You can learn a lot in 5 months of separation, especially in the first 2 years of your marriage. You learn to try not to be selfish. You will fight over money. You will fight about not hearing from them, but its ok. Because at one point or another, we all pick fights. My mom would say "Gwen just stop fighting" I love my mother, but she doesn't quite understand. She can sit here day after day and see my ups and my downs, but she cannot tell me what I'm feeling. And no one can. Other wives or girlfriends or fiances can relate. But only you know what you are feeling.

I feel happy, sad, frustrated, angry, exhausted, awake, usually all in the span of 5 minutes. I feel motivated, and depressed, and then like I have no energy left for anything but mindless facebook games. Today I was tired, angry, worn out, my back and shoulders hurt, but at the same time I was laughing, and a few minutes later would just want to collapse. I worked through my furstration just trying to hang on until the moment Greg would call. And you know what: I lived. We all do. We work through masses of emotions everyday. Theres always the nagging feeling in the back of your mind, what if? But you cant let it rule you or even admit to its existance.

Anyway my point was, this book helped me realize that I am ok. I have hobbies, I have friends. I regret not making more friends with more people's wives, but the truth is, I just dont see many wives my age running around at squadron functions. If I did I feel like things would be different. I've started excercising again, and getting your blood pumping is a definite must. Anyways. I just wanted to say, I'm good. I enjoy painting, taking the parents dog for a walk, snuggling with my kitties, watching copious amounts of tv, reading, and scrapbooking. I have hobbies, friends, and a great family, and wonderful inlaws. I'll be just fine.

Love to all!

The Deployment

SO basically I haven't written in forever. I dont know why. I guess I feel like its because I dont have happy things to say, but then that sounds ridiculous a lot has happened that I am happy about but the feeling of missing Gregory takes over and I hate sounding like a whiney child instead of a grown up when I blog. Anyway, things that I've found make me happy in the past 6 weeks I've been home. Since we've almost hit the halfway point:

-Netflix. I have now watched 6 seasons of desperate housewives, finished Bones, and watched countless movies and any other series where I had skipped shows (aka Glee, etc)

-Ikea. OMG I went to an actual IKEA store and I think I could have spent the next 6 weeks there planning out every single future home and apartment we shall someday live in.

-Courda Roy's. Like lovesacs only comfier and cheaper. We're getting on when Greg gets back.

-Music. I must spend an hour a day looking for new music that is amazing and then finding a way to afford all the new music I want. Because you know people who get sued .. cannot download illegally.

-Facebook. I know cheesy. I dont care. I will play citiville and farmville until my eyes fall out because you know what, it makes time pass. I like when time passes by unnoticed, because usually I am staring at the clock continiously counting down the days hours minutes etc that we have left.

SKYPE. Without skype I'd be a mess. Enough said.

SO the deployment really is going fine. I dont have any issues thus far, minus the 3 days the internet was out, those were kinda rough. I mean I'm kinda working, next week is my last week. I cant keep doing manual labor. My back just doesn't cut it anymore. I've recently decided my daily pain level is about 6 out of 10. When 3 ibuprofin multiple times a day it comes down to back or liver? Which would I rather deal with? And all those pills, only take away some of the pain, not even all of it. Which then makes me realize, I'm actually a pretty fricken strong person to be able to take this pain and barely ever cry or complain. My dad raised me to "be a man" when it came to my back. But lately I have decided I would like to stop feeling like a 55 year old woman who can throw her neck out getting out of bed. I want back surgery. I dont care anymore, this is seriously affecting my life in an incredibly negative way and the thought of being pregnant in a couple years with back pain like this already, its enough to make me second guess wanting kids. I know the recovery will be a ridiculous process, but I want a better life for me and for Greg. Poor guy has to sit and listen to me whine knowing he cant do anything about it but give me a little massage and hope it helps.

So thats whats going on in my life. Really nothing too extravagent but I will try and write more, and more often. Love to all my family far away! *cough*Bry*cough*