I've been having a rough week. Why:
Statistics on our first 2 years married.
11 of 24 months have been spent apart.
7 of the 11 have been in the first 10 months of this year.
Now I know I have become a strong person, but even a strong person breaks down and hits a wall now and again. This is my day. I left Greg this morning and drove the 8 hours back home, and have been crying off and on since. Its not easy, its never easy. I know I posted those statistics, but at the same time that doesn't meant that I feel like unless you can beat that you have no reason to complain or to cry. Unless you aren't a military spouse, then I kinda judge you if you whine to me about being apart for a weekend. So anyways, saying goodbye sucks. Saying goodbye half awake really sucks.
Oh yes I was talking about being a strong person. I can handle just about anything. That isnt to say that we dont ever have any problems. We do. We're less public about them than most. There are few people anymore who I will honestly talk about my problems with, because I've seen enough wives/girlfriends/fiances throw big fights in public and it makes everyone around you miserable. You can fight, just dont tell everyone about every fight all the time. Heres my next piece of advice, talk to each other. You will not fix anything if you only talk to other people and not your spouse/boyfriend/fiance. The reason me and Greg work is because we talk to each other about all our issues. We talk it out, we figure out a solution, it doesnt always fix things the first time but by talking you have an active process on whats going on.
I've had boyfriends/husbands/fiances tell me that they're girls look up to me. They look at me and think that they can do it too. This gives me mixed feelings. I'm not being conceited when I say this but not everyone is me. I am ok with moving across the country, moving around, not always being able to go home. I miss home, but I dont miss it so much that I cant stand being anywhere else. SO basically I'm saying not everyone is me. So dont think just because I'm still here after 2 years and we're going strong (with minor mishaps) that you can do it. Because as statistics of military marriages show, chances are you cant. Be honest with yourself. It is not an easy life. I'm glad people look up to me and use me as an example, but seriously, not everyone is cut out for this, and even I have bad days.
I wish I could change things. I wish there was a way to make it so those statistics weren't so bad. Our "honeymoon phase" we've never had one. It keeps getting interrupted. This tempo will kill me. Its not all deployments either. I just wish there was a way to start something that would go up the chain and make people think. A way to get them to keep track of who they're sending where and when and take families into account. Its horrible because if I was pregnant, they would do all they could to keep Greg home more from everything, but because we're just married and not "newlyweds" anymore, it feels like no one cares. I have news for you, we will always be newlyweds if this tempo stays the way it is. So dear military, Please give me my husband for awhile.
<3 Gwen
