Ahhh if I ever get the hang of this.

Alright its always forever in between my posts. But one of my goals for this year is to stop complaining. So... Its been a rough start to the year, Gregs been gone a lot and we have a few issues we're still trying to work out with work trips. But we got to talk about some of them today, and I feel like a giant weight has been lifted of my shoulders so I'm happy again! Woop! This semester is going really well. I was invited into Phi Theta Kappa, an honors society, so I'm getting some more information and looking into it, but thats how well I'm doing with my classes which makes me happy and should hopefully make the parents proud (and they don't even have to help pay for it this time!) This week will be a little crazy, huge paper due, an exam, and lots and lots of homework, but Friday we're going to Bed and Breakfast so I'm determined to finish it all before the weekend because I really dont want to have to bring my laptop and do homework while we're down there. So the bed and breakfast. I am so excited. I've been dying to go here since we moved to Texas. They do elopements, and I wanted so badly to go down there and get married (the first time we did it anyway-haha) but we didn't have the money. It's sad really because it was like $700 for a two day stay (mini honeymoon) the ceremony, a romantic dinner, and they take photos and make a cd for you, the whole shebang. And cake and sparkling cider for 2! So I really wanted to get married there, however, we went to the JP instead, which was still awesome, I mean I still got to marry my best friend but now we are finally going down there for the weekend. They have trails, and a firepit, and our own hot tub and our own cabin. I'm very excited. I plan on bringing scrabble, a deck of cards, and lots of pjs cuz all I wanna do is snuggle! No computers, no cell phones, no nothing. Just Gwen and Greg time since we haven't had much of that so far this year. I feel like we're always running around somewhere, but sometimes its just what you gotta do! I know we could lock ourselves in our house for the weekend and save some money, but its not the same as going away to the middle of nowhere for the weekend. Lots of love from the vast nothingness land of Texas!

Changes

Well I will probably never get the swing of things and keep up with this regularly but lifes been pretty good lately. I started a 24 day challenge yesterday and so far its alright. Ha ha. Its from Advocare, it starts with a 10 day cleanse, and then a 14 day toning period. The fiber drinks are awful, but I'm doing it for me. I'm tired of not feeling my best so here we go. Been to the gym everyday except Sat and Sun this week, and tonight, but you need to rest your body for optimum results, so we're going with 3 days on 3 days off. Cardio all 3 days, and workouts switching between back and shoulders, arms and chest, and legs. My legs are still killing me from Monday so cardio has been rough but manageable. So Tuesday I weighed in at 173 pounds. I'm not happy with the number or the look of my body but I'm hoping to see awesome results in the next month. I'm doing the 24 day challenge to jumpstart the weightloss so I can see results and stay motivated. I'm going to weigh myself again at the end of the 10 days just to see what the cleanse does for me. I've been drinking 6-10 glasses of water a day and even with that improvement I'm happy. I know that 2012 probably wont be any easier than 2011. Already they love sending Greg away, but I'm dealing alright. Sounds like we have another deployment coming up this Summer to a place I'm not happy about but I'm preparing myself now to hopefully deal with the stress alright when it comes. I'm hoping to take a few classes and a few trips, and maybe even make it out to see my lovely sister and her beautiful baby boy. There's so much change coming. We're paying off our credit cards (again) with our tax returns, and keeping a little for ourselves, hopefully to reward myself for sticking to my resolution. Personally I've been a bit stressed lately. 15 credits this semester, which doesn't sound bad but already my workload is piling up and I'm trying to take it one chapter at a time. I'm also dealing with all my closest friends in Abilene leaving in the next 6 months. Some not so far, and will be an ocean and a very expensive plane ticket away. Again, trying to stay positive. Its just hard meeting the perfect people to be your best friends and saying goodbye. I don't want to be alone down here again, but I know I can make friends I just need to get out and do it. So heres to 2012 and hopefully good changes, and taking all the swings life throws at me and making them home runs <3

Wow.. Snow?

So it has really been too long since I've taken the time to write but so much happens all the time. I know I'm great at writing when Greg is away, and not so much at writing when he's home? He is back, been home about a month and it has been awesome. We ha d a wonderful thanksgiving with good friends, and great weekends, and a lot of time spent just about us. Its been good. So 3 of my 4 finals are over and I have to say I am pretty happy with my semester. 3 As and 1 B. Dad would call me a slacker for my B but it was an excell class and I hate it. :) I did the best I could make myself do. hahha. Actually I was shooting for a C, but apparently I am smarter than I know. <3 that! We're really hoping to get to come home for Christmas. I've been counting on it, only to find out that there really is a chance we wont be able to come. It would be sad, but we've spent Christmas alone before, it would not be the end of the world. It actually snowed down here last night! And stayed all day/night and now everything is frozen and covered in Ice. So I'm secretely hoping that Greg would be sent home and wont have to fly today, but we shall see. The news is hilarious! "OH MY GOODNESS EVERYONE IT IS VERY COLD OUTSIDE AND THE WINDCHILL MAKES IT FEEL LIKE ITS.... wait for it.... 10 DEGREES! ONLY 10 DEGREES" Ahhh Texans. They dont know cold, but I wont lie, I dont either anymore! Happy Holidays to everyone, lots of love, I'll have my christmas cards out this week! Love!

Wishes

I've been having a rough week. Why:

Statistics on our first 2 years married.
11 of 24 months have been spent apart.
7 of the 11 have been in the first 10 months of this year.


Now I know I have become a strong person, but even a strong person breaks down and hits a wall now and again. This is my day. I left Greg this morning and drove the 8 hours back home, and have been crying off and on since. Its not easy, its never easy. I know I posted those statistics, but at the same time that doesn't meant that I feel like unless you can beat that you have no reason to complain or to cry. Unless you aren't a military spouse, then I kinda judge you if you whine to me about being apart for a weekend. So anyways, saying goodbye sucks. Saying goodbye half awake really sucks.

Oh yes I was talking about being a strong person. I can handle just about anything. That isnt to say that we dont ever have any problems. We do. We're less public about them than most. There are few people anymore who I will honestly talk about my problems with, because I've seen enough wives/girlfriends/fiances throw big fights in public and it makes everyone around you miserable. You can fight, just dont tell everyone about every fight all the time. Heres my next piece of advice, talk to each other. You will not fix anything if you only talk to other people and not your spouse/boyfriend/fiance. The reason me and Greg work is because we talk to each other about all our issues. We talk it out, we figure out a solution, it doesnt always fix things the first time but by talking you have an active process on whats going on.

I've had boyfriends/husbands/fiances tell me that they're girls look up to me. They look at me and think that they can do it too. This gives me mixed feelings. I'm not being conceited when I say this but not everyone is me. I am ok with moving across the country, moving around, not always being able to go home. I miss home, but I dont miss it so much that I cant stand being anywhere else. SO basically I'm saying not everyone is me. So dont think just because I'm still here after 2 years and we're going strong (with minor mishaps) that you can do it. Because as statistics of military marriages show, chances are you cant. Be honest with yourself. It is not an easy life. I'm glad people look up to me and use me as an example, but seriously, not everyone is cut out for this, and even I have bad days.

I wish I could change things. I wish there was a way to make it so those statistics weren't so bad. Our "honeymoon phase" we've never had one. It keeps getting interrupted. This tempo will kill me. Its not all deployments either. I just wish there was a way to start something that would go up the chain and make people think. A way to get them to keep track of who they're sending where and when and take families into account. Its horrible because if I was pregnant, they would do all they could to keep Greg home more from everything, but because we're just married and not "newlyweds" anymore, it feels like no one cares. I have news for you, we will always be newlyweds if this tempo stays the way it is. So dear military, Please give me my husband for awhile.

<3 Gwen

School and Other Things

So I'm very bad at this whole blogging thing. So, two weeks ago I went and saw Greg in Little Rock. These are the things we did:

This is me at the top of Pinnacle Mountain. Took over an hour to climb up (with some breaks for mental stability.) Its 1115 ft. high and it was a ton of fun and super terrifying!

Heres Greg at the top!

The view :-D

This is the Old Mill, it was featured in Gone with the wind and it was an awesome park!! Great place for wedding or engagement photos for sure!

The only pic we took of us the whole weekend. Oops :)

Gregs a master photographer :)

Missing everyone back home!

I stink at this

So I'm no good at writing in this thing regularly, but since I'm sitting at school with 40 minutes until my first class starts I figure what the heck right?

We've been busy. Going home, getting ready for school for both of us, mentally preparing to be apart for 2-3 months again, getting Maddi fixed on Thursday, and trying to somehow find time in there to spend by ourselves, and keep up with friends, I'm frazzled. I'm exhausted, Gregs exhausted and we may or may not be getting sick with whatever horrible thing my mom has. We both have what now seem like colds that I'm really hoping dont get worse, but if I keep up with not sleeping ever I'm sure it will get worse.

I have everything written down, planner filled out and pretests already taken for my online classes. Greg had things to do today and couldn't give me a ride to school so I snagged a ride with a buddy but she had to be here 2 hours earlier than me so this is me getting crap done and trying not to fall asleep and miss my first class completely. Its very awkward here. All the preppy little girls dressed up and make uped talking about all the people they see here from high school. I feel to old to be here. I'm hoping they wont be in any of my classes. I dont think I could stand listening to them talk anymore. Oh well at least I know I have one buddy here, even if we wont be in any of the same classes.

Oh and I forgot my phone today so I cant even text my hubby to keep myself occupied. Which was good until I ran out of work to do because I didn't bring any textbooks with me. Poo. I could've really finished all week 1 assignments by now. Oh well. I just saw a girl with pink hair.

Aside from school there really isn't much going on in our lives. I mean the last few days have felt hectic but its been mostly cramming in buddy time with getting everything ready for Greg to leave, but hey, you need friends. And you definitely always need an hour of sunlight and pool time to keep happy. So kudos to me, on taking yesterday to relax. But I seriously cant wait to go home and nap. :-D

Because I'm a Rockstar After 10pm

The past two nights I've done this. First Sunday night I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. Eventually I will be a Radiology Technician. First I need to take some classes, so I figure I might as well get a degree with that since the advisor for the Rad Tech program said having an associates really gives you a leg up. So I applied to Cisco to be a Medical Assistant. I'll get all the classes I need and a Degree. Classes start Aug 26th? Super excited just gotta figure out everything that needs to get done between now and then. Financial Aid, Placement Tests, Student Loans, and how to get into that program. Super duper excited.

Monday night. I switched our car insurance to USAA. Progressive should be lowering my amount for staying with them for 2 years, and instead it went up $15. I know its just $15, but money is tight sometimes. So I quoted USAA. $20 cheaper. Nice. So I filled out the necessary stuff and sent in our current insurance card and it will start Aug 7th. While I was on their website I noticed a little refinance your auto loan as low as 3.24%! Well being a couple who pays 16% interest on a car loan, I was like, hey it cant hurt to see what it would be. Well it lowered our percent from 16, down to 4.99. Our monthly payment from $450, to $300. So Greg woke up this morning to find out all I had done while he slept peacefully during the night and he was super happy. I am the best wifey ever. (Well I'd be the best ever if I had managed to make him lunch too. hahah) Happy days when saving money!

Down and Out

So I've been feeling sorry for myself lately. I dont know why. I mean I suppose I do. Its a mixture of having no job, no degree, not going to school, and feeling like I want to start a family but we're just not ready for it yet. I've been feeling really down for a couple weeks now and I've been trying to figure out a way to stop eating bag after bag of cheetos, wanting to vomit, and then feeling worse. Yesterday I decided me n Greg were really going to hit the gym. If I could do the werewolf workout for a month, and not see any results, then I would consider taking out the implant (birth control) as the problem. I will not blame it for my depression, or my lack of motivation. I'm not looking for a scape goat. Just understanding.

Yesterday we hit the gym for the first time in weeks. It was a rough workout but it felt amazing. Now today he has a night flight, which always makes working out hard because we either have to go before his flight which makes him exhausted the rest of the day, or wait until 3am to go. Well i'm determined to go tonight. Even just for a half hour. Just to prove we aren't giving up.

Back to my funk. I need to snap out of it. While i was home I watched Eat, Pray, Love one night while i was feeling sorry for myself for missing my husband. A great movie to watch if you're depressed. Because its not a love story, I mean it is, but thats not all it is. So today I decided I'd finally read the book. Its been sitting on my nook for months and I need something uplifting. Even just the first 100 pages (theres about 600 on the nook) were so helpful. I put on some soothing music, and did yoga for a half hour. I cant tell you the last time I did yoga like that. No book, no movie, just doing the moves i remembered as being the most stress relieving. Its such a mood lifter. I feel so great after actually doing something other than sitting around all night watching tv and eating. I've read, I've cleaned, even did the laundry, AND i did yoga. Ten points on my self esteem roster. :)

So if you're looking for a good book to read, Eat Pray Love. If you want to feel better about yourself, do yoga (and avoid mc donalds for a week, I promise it helps) Love to all who support me. <3

Another Day Another Dollar

Greg is on another trip. It was hard saying goodbye again so soon, even if its only for a few days. Life will never be easy, but I am starting to enjoy my time alone. I can lay on the couch all day if I want to, or I can actually be productive and get things done without feeling like I have to keep someone else company. Dont get me wrong, it still sucks being alone, but I'm working on making the best of it instead of just moping around the whole time. I do have to say, he left Friday morning and its taking me until now to actually get things done. I managed to do Yoga today, research hotels for our California trip next year, I planted my herb garden (hopefully they actually grow true leaves now instead of just the sprouts that I have now) and I cleaned up the mess I've made around the house. I also defrosted the fridge, its working again (yay me). Though in my downtime I caught up on all my shows.. oo I also looked into careers. I've taken so many classes and I still dont feel like I've found anything that fits. I want a job thats mentally intriguing. I want to solve problems, or puzzles. Maybe accounting is right for me, I took a couple career tests today and they all tell me business is where I'm meant to be. Analyst, administrator, accounting are all my top jobs. So my goal is to actually call the admissions councelor for Ashford University and see what I can do and what I need and how soon I can actually graduate. Not that I really care about having a good job or anything, it'd just be nice to feel like I'm contributing to this partnership instead of living off my hubby's money. We're doing fine, but we could be doing great if I got my act in gear. Anyways, off to find some ice cream! Love to all!

New Friends Exciting Times

Since Greg got back from his deployment we've been hanging out with a new crowd. Its exciting, relieving, and they are just so much fun. Its a lot of couples, a few years older than us, but we're all on the same wavelength. There isn't as much childish drama, its just a bunch of people getting together and having a good time! We took our first camping trip in Texas with these guys. One of the best weekends of my life. We went up to Possum Kingdom, its about a 2 hour drive. We were doing some recon for the 4th of July when we head up there for 5 days. The park is great, the water is great, Hells Gate is awesome. Its this cove on the lake, and when you pull in there are 2 huge cliffs on each side that make "the gate" and you drive through in the boat, and everyone ties their boats together and you hang out and swim for the afternoon and make new friends. It was awesome. I had so much fun. To tell you a little more about how that Saturday went..we were all sitting at Hells Gate. Talking to the boats next to us as these clouds start rolling in. Soon it was raining. No big deal, it was 106 and the rain felt great..but then it started hailing, as we all dive and hide under the little sun top random hail hitting you, we start wondering about our campsite.. Well we finally went back just a little before dark, to find the whole campground (which was full previously) empty and trashed. All of our tents (with the exception of Bill who had a little one man tent) were knocked over and/or broken. Our tent was mostly ok, one of the loops for the stake ripped off but we'll get it sewed back on and it will be fine again. It was good times, things to laugh over. Trunks were knocked over and filled with water, but we had food, and the night was gorgeous and we all laughed about it and continued to have a good time. I'm so glad we went. Even though we're completely broke until payday now, its nice spending our money on actually doing things instead of unnecessary things.

We got our cordaroy! Its huge but its awesome! It definitely makes for more snuggling time :) We curl up on it and play video games, the cats love their new nap spot, and it significantly shrunk the sive of our livingroom but soo worth it! We're looking forward to the future and all the good times to be had! Loving life in Texas! :)

I'm A Slacker

So I've been meaning to update the blog, and I've even started a few but never felt like finishing them. We've had lots of fun news in the past month. We dont have roommates anymore, just decided living our own is the way to go. So since that, we've spent lots of time unpacking, moving, getting our house set up the way we want and planning for the future. So heres what we've come up with.

1. Our honeymoon is being changed. I've decided that if we have a really good chance of getting orders to Germany, there is no sense in spending $6000 on a honeymoon to Greece, when it would be a heck of a lot cheaper taking a train once we get there. So instead, we will be taking a trip to California. A one night stop in Venice Beach, then up to the Redwood National Forest for a 3 day camping trip, then down to Napa/Sonoma Valley to stay in a Bed and Breakfast for 3 days, and then a one night stop in Vegas on the way home. Super excited, should be incredibly fun. We'll be taking that trip hopefully next July 2012. *Keep fingers crossed*

2. We are building a cat tree. Cat "playhouses" are super expensive. We've made a "blueprint" (I use that term very lightly for the drawing is pretty hilarious and you would have no idea what it was from looking at it.) But we've figured out the exact amounts of wood and carpet needed and how much it will cost to make (roughly $60 instead of paying $200+ for one this gigantic) and we'll be buying parts slowly every paycheck.

3. We're buying a Courdaroy. If you dont know what it is. You're missing out. http://www.cordaroys.com/shop/cart.php?m=product_detail&p=8 Theres the link :) php Thats the exact one we're buying. A double king sofa. It will replace one of the sofas downstairs. Wooooo!! Super pumped about that!

4. We also are getting a patio set. Its a must. We wish we had one everyday.


So I'm super excited for our goals, our future, and having my family visit, even if its only one night. I cant wait for them to see my new place and all we've done with it. Love and miss everyone! <3

Deployment Update

So Gregory will be home no later than June 5th. Pretty much garunteed. I say pretty much because nothing is ever a gauruntee. (I dont know how to spell that word ever.) But I figured since I'm back in Abilene with nothing to do until move in tomorrow morning I'd post a "things I learned from this deployment and my thoughts" post. So here goes.

Things I've Learned:

-Murphy's Law is true.
- It does not get easier. Anyone who says this is a liar and only trying to make you feel better. I wish I hadn't lied to myself. I expected it to be easier, and when it wasn't, it made it harder, so be real.
- When you're married, moving back in with you parents is not the same. Personalities clash when you are used to running your own household.
- Fishing is a great relaxation technique.
- EVERYONE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO HAVE A BABY.

That last one is just because everyone I know is pregnant and I wanna be and obviously cant right this minute, and even when Greg gets back he's pretty iffy about the whole idea so we'll see what happens this fall/winter/next spring.

Song lyrics I liked on the way home:

"Damn these old wheels, rolling too slow, I stare down these white lines with so far to go, headlights keep coming, lonliness humming along. Who poured this rain, who made these clouds? I stare through this windshield thinking out loud. Time keeps on crawling love keeps on calling me home." -If my heart had wings Faith Hill. Perfect example of exactly how my drive went.

"I'm stronger than yesterday, now its nothing but my way, my loneliness aint killing me no more, cuz now I'm stronger" -Brittany Spears Stronger. Every deployment makes you a little stronger.

"I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive. I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise. To fly. I wish today it would rain all day and that will kinda make the pain go away. Trying to forgive you for abandoning me" -Fly Nikki Manaj Uplifting song about being strong by yourself.

Well those are my thoughts for the day. Peace out. :) I'll post pics as soon as we get settled!

Anxiety

I am getting so anxious to get back to Texas. Its sooo hard being patient. I just keep thinking about what needs to be done, even though its really nothing until I actually get back to the state. Then I need to get our stuff out of Alli's, get the storage unit cleaned out, unpack, and spend lots of time by the pool :).


I miss Greggles and I cant wait for him to be hooommmmeeee. Thats pretty much all I think about :D

Quel Jour!

Its April 19th. In Texas its 90 degrees with a chance of wildfires. Here its 28 and winter weather advisory. So you can imagine, when laying in bed and feeling really really cold air, my thoughts were as follows:

1. Did the cats turn off the furnace again?
2. Why do I hear birds..
3. Wait that was Leo chirping and that means a door is open.
4. Oh no how long? Will Abbers ever come back?

I found Abbi playing in the stones by the playground we have. I think she thought it was a giant litterbox. Maddi was hiding behind the hottub, and Leo had decided he was just fine laying on my bed. Disaster #1 taken care of. I walk upstairs, only to find Alli got diarrhea all over the kitchen. So as I'm trying to hold down puking while cleaning that up.. I start to think its not gonna be a fun day.

I wiped up the mess, swept the floor, then mopped the floor. Sometime in there Alli puked by the kitchen table. I found this out later by stepping in it. More mopping. Then I decided heck with it, and cleaned the whole upstairs. I lost motivation before I hit the dishes though. The kids can do those. Im pooped.

So now Im ready for the snow. What a day it has already been and its only 2!

Yesterday was me n Gregs 2 year anniversary. So naturally Im a bit bummed and I miss him lots. I wish he was home so we could have celebrated. <3

War Does Not Define Character- It Reveals It

I used to think that deployments were all about misery, and just learning to "deal". I've been reading this book lately called Confessions of a Military Wife by Mollie Gross. I suggest anyone and everyone to read it. (Thanks so much Kelly). Its about becoming an "independant" and all the things you can do and should do during a deployment. The more I read, the more I realize how much I have figured out on my own in the past 2 deployments. Sure they weren't 7 months, or a year, they were 2 months and this one will be around 3. But You can learn a lot in 5 months of separation, especially in the first 2 years of your marriage. You learn to try not to be selfish. You will fight over money. You will fight about not hearing from them, but its ok. Because at one point or another, we all pick fights. My mom would say "Gwen just stop fighting" I love my mother, but she doesn't quite understand. She can sit here day after day and see my ups and my downs, but she cannot tell me what I'm feeling. And no one can. Other wives or girlfriends or fiances can relate. But only you know what you are feeling.

I feel happy, sad, frustrated, angry, exhausted, awake, usually all in the span of 5 minutes. I feel motivated, and depressed, and then like I have no energy left for anything but mindless facebook games. Today I was tired, angry, worn out, my back and shoulders hurt, but at the same time I was laughing, and a few minutes later would just want to collapse. I worked through my furstration just trying to hang on until the moment Greg would call. And you know what: I lived. We all do. We work through masses of emotions everyday. Theres always the nagging feeling in the back of your mind, what if? But you cant let it rule you or even admit to its existance.

Anyway my point was, this book helped me realize that I am ok. I have hobbies, I have friends. I regret not making more friends with more people's wives, but the truth is, I just dont see many wives my age running around at squadron functions. If I did I feel like things would be different. I've started excercising again, and getting your blood pumping is a definite must. Anyways. I just wanted to say, I'm good. I enjoy painting, taking the parents dog for a walk, snuggling with my kitties, watching copious amounts of tv, reading, and scrapbooking. I have hobbies, friends, and a great family, and wonderful inlaws. I'll be just fine.

Love to all!

The Deployment

SO basically I haven't written in forever. I dont know why. I guess I feel like its because I dont have happy things to say, but then that sounds ridiculous a lot has happened that I am happy about but the feeling of missing Gregory takes over and I hate sounding like a whiney child instead of a grown up when I blog. Anyway, things that I've found make me happy in the past 6 weeks I've been home. Since we've almost hit the halfway point:

-Netflix. I have now watched 6 seasons of desperate housewives, finished Bones, and watched countless movies and any other series where I had skipped shows (aka Glee, etc)

-Ikea. OMG I went to an actual IKEA store and I think I could have spent the next 6 weeks there planning out every single future home and apartment we shall someday live in.

-Courda Roy's. Like lovesacs only comfier and cheaper. We're getting on when Greg gets back.

-Music. I must spend an hour a day looking for new music that is amazing and then finding a way to afford all the new music I want. Because you know people who get sued .. cannot download illegally.

-Facebook. I know cheesy. I dont care. I will play citiville and farmville until my eyes fall out because you know what, it makes time pass. I like when time passes by unnoticed, because usually I am staring at the clock continiously counting down the days hours minutes etc that we have left.

SKYPE. Without skype I'd be a mess. Enough said.

SO the deployment really is going fine. I dont have any issues thus far, minus the 3 days the internet was out, those were kinda rough. I mean I'm kinda working, next week is my last week. I cant keep doing manual labor. My back just doesn't cut it anymore. I've recently decided my daily pain level is about 6 out of 10. When 3 ibuprofin multiple times a day it comes down to back or liver? Which would I rather deal with? And all those pills, only take away some of the pain, not even all of it. Which then makes me realize, I'm actually a pretty fricken strong person to be able to take this pain and barely ever cry or complain. My dad raised me to "be a man" when it came to my back. But lately I have decided I would like to stop feeling like a 55 year old woman who can throw her neck out getting out of bed. I want back surgery. I dont care anymore, this is seriously affecting my life in an incredibly negative way and the thought of being pregnant in a couple years with back pain like this already, its enough to make me second guess wanting kids. I know the recovery will be a ridiculous process, but I want a better life for me and for Greg. Poor guy has to sit and listen to me whine knowing he cant do anything about it but give me a little massage and hope it helps.

So thats whats going on in my life. Really nothing too extravagent but I will try and write more, and more often. Love to all my family far away! *cough*Bry*cough*

Long Time

So its been awhile since I've written. But I try not to come on here and whine, and lately thats all I've really wanted to do. Feeling sorry for myself because I miss Greggles so much. Life always seems so unfair when deployments come. I get angry, upset, sad, and I just want to start fights and blame everything else on everyone else. Truth is, deployments stink. Yes, I am doing ok. But they still suck. We're only 16 days into this one, and it already feels like a lifetime. What can I say? I miss my husband and life is not the same without him.

Plus without him around, I feel like I have nothing to write about, because I like to write about "our" life, not my life. So it feels silly. So if I dont write as much in the future that would be why. The good news is, I found the place I want to move into when we get back. Its a townhouse, and I think its perfect. So yay!

Greg is doing just fine. He made it there safely, I made it home safely. He's flying missions and enjoying life for the most part. He did get sick for awhile right away when he got there, but he's all better now. Today he even learned how to play Spades. :)

The kitties are fine. Adusting to life in their basement. Oh yes, I said their basement. They have taken over acting like the whole thing is their playground, but its cute. I like seeing them running around and playing and being happy. They still snuggle with me at night, so I know they aren't too upset about the move.

Well love to all! I'm out :)

Home

So Saturday finally came. I watched Greg walk off into the squadron with tears streaming down my face and tried to pretend to be strong. I know it hurts him to see me cry, so I saved most of it for the 20 hour drive home. I went back to the apartment, picked up the cats, and started my drive. I thought about a lot on the way home. All of our goals, things we did for my birthday. Walking around San Antonio with coffee and hand in hand. Sure it was freezing, but we spent it together and I wouldn't have had it any other way. We ate at this wonderful restaurant on the Riverwalk called Boudros. It was expensive, but it was romantic and cute and pretty perfect. He is the most amazing husband in the world and I will miss him terribly. I had put in Sara Bareillas in Kansas because I was getting bored and needed something to start singing to. Well half of those songs are songs I used to sing to Greg when he was in tech school to put him to sleep. So in the middle of Kansas, in the middle of the tollway, I let it all out. Cried all my tears for this deployment, this war, this stupid deployment. Because I know more are coming, this wont be our last, and I know it wont be easy, and I'm frustrated with that, but I also know we can both be strong. So I'm hanging in there just fine. Theres even a chance he could come home early! yay!

So today is my first day of being home and coherant. I'm going to unpack my clothes, try and keep Leo out of the crawl space he loves so much already. (Been in there twice and I caught him going for a 3rd). Then this afternoon me and mom are running to Green Bay. Yay for days off :) Love you all!

Countdown Begins

Greg is leaving this week. THIS week. And it makes me sad. Its always hard the first time that it really hits you. We've known for months he'll be leaving, but we're both really really good about not saying a word about it and ignoring it. We even managed to get his trunks all packed up without talking about the actual deployment. Strange huh? So Friday as we're driving home after shopping, it finally hit. But I figure if I do all my crying now I get to be comforted while it happens, and hopefully I'll get it all out so that when he does actually leave I can be strong. Hurray?

This weekend was fun. Fight night. The packers winning the superbowl.. Never thought they could actually do it this year, but I am so proud of my team for finding their motivation last month and kicking butt! Cant wait to go home and celebrate with the rest of Green Bay!

San Antonio tomorrow for my birthday. I'm excited. Always love that city. I really dont know what else to blog about. I mean the whole week of snowdays all we did was play Little Big Planet 2 and poker. We're all moved out of the apartment, but thats old news. The storage shed is full, our room at Alli's is controlled chaos.. and I have a new addiction to goat cheese quesadillas? Thats really all I've got. I'm excited for my birthday, and to be home next week. I'm gonna miss my Greggles!

Get ready Wisconsin! I'm coming home~!

Amazon Queen.

Thats what I looked like when I woke up this morning. :) It made Greg laugh and added a fun start to our morning. We're still getting a few things settled in at Alli's. Trying to make it look like we dont live here is a decent challenge. :) Right now the bathroom is complete, with only the toothbrushes giving it away, and then we have a few things in the livingroom still, but we're waiting for this ice to clear up so we can drop them off where they need to go (storage, suddenlink, goodwill).

We have ventured out a few times into this ridiculous road situation. Mostly for our sanity. Cabin fever is no joke. Specially when you spend almost all your time in the exact same spot in the exact same room fighting over who gets to use the computer or the Ipod. But it has been fun. Lots of time to lay and snuggle and just appreciate each other. We did make it to walmart, and I got Little Big Planet 2 for my birthday. Mostly to keep us sane through this 3 day weekend in the middle of the week. Life is good.

Good luck to anyone else who has to move anytime in the future. Its a hassle. I dont like it, but its done. Yay! See you soon Wisconsin~